31-year-old musician husband calls out wife for not attending every one of his shows, not buying tickets right when they drop: 'Of the like 100 shows he’s played in our home state, I’ve gone to 90-95 of them'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 17, 2025 10:00 PM EST

Being in a relationship is all about compromise. In order to maintain a healthy relationship, you sometimes have to do things that you don't want to. Does going to your partner's office holiday party sound like the most fun thing in the world? Absolutely not. But you realize that the right thing to do is to go. Does visiting their great-aunt, who lives 4 hours outside of town, sound like the perfect way to spend your Saturday? Likely no, but you do it because you love them. But it's our right to set boundaries around what we will and won't do for love. That's more than okay to do. 

One of them might be sacrificing all of your free time for their artistic pursuit. If you've ever been in a relationship with an artist, you know that supporting their art is part of supporting them as a person. But that doesn't mean you have to drop everything every time they have an artistic engagement. It's their job, after all, and their job is not your responsibility. But one husband didn't quite see it that way. 

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  • A woman stands in front of a crowd of people at a concert.
    via Illia Horokhovsky

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • He was feeling unsupported because his wife didn't attend 100% of the shows his band would play in town. The way he saw it, she should be in the front row at all of them. The way she saw it, she was doing enough to support him in the first place. Scroll on to read what happened to this couple. 

  • Am I in the wrong for not going to every single one of my husband's shows?

    I (30F) and my (31M) husband have gotten into many arguments over the years because he feels I don't support his music career enough because I don't go to every single show he has or buy tickets the moment they drop.
    via u/Efficient-Menu-4065
  • For context, he is a live guitarist in 2 different bands. I have gone to almost all of his shows whenever he plays in our state but there have been a few times when I haven't gone because it was either A). Not in our state, B) on a weekday and I have work that day/the next day (I work a 9-5), or C) I just didn't want to go because the venue was far and hard to get to.
    via u/Efficient-Menu-4065
  • I want to say out of the like 100 shows he's played in our home state, I've gone to 90-95 of them but because I didn't go to all of them he feels I'm not supportive enough and compares me to the other bandmates' partners who go to every single one of their shows.
    via u/Efficient-Menu-4065
  • I also want it to be noted that I always buy a ticket and never expect to get in for free. But he's upset that I don't buy it the MOMENT they drop and instead wait until a week or two before the show to get it. This is probably where I'm the asshole in this because the reason I don't buy it the moment they drop is because I know the show isn't going to sell out so I don't feel a rush for me to get them.
    via u/Efficient-Menu-4065
  • Besides this, I buy merch from the bands he's in, listen to them regularly, am always at the front when I'm at the shows, post their upcoming shows on my IG, always help break down/pack up at shows, and I've worked their merch booths a few times for free (which I offered to do, not because I was asked). I also have created album artwork and logos for his solo projects and bought him gear in the past.
    via u/Efficient-Menu-4065
  • So am I really not supportive enough because I don't always go to the shows or buy tickets the moment they drop?
    via u/Efficient-Menu-4065
  • A married couple argues on a couch.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters agreed that she was doing enough as is.

    unlovelyladybartleby • 2h ago How often does your husband give up his plans so he can go to work with you and sit there watching you work? Yeah, that's what I thought. NTA
    via u/unlovelyladybartleby
  • FairyCompetent ⚫2h ago NTA. As a fellow band wife, I don't do any of that. I go to shows that are in town and end before 11. I do not carry equipment, I do not purchase tickets. I support his love of music and commitment to the band, but I am not in a band. I did not sign up to carry
    via u/FairyCompetent
  • equipment. They have plenty of fans and friends, and his enjoyment isn't contingent on my labor. I recommend his music to people I think would like it, and I helped him with the process of starting a label and becoming an LLC because research and organization are skills I do have and enjoy. I am
    via u/FairyCompetent
  • happy for every Saturday to be spent at band practice and I'm happy to run the household alone when they tour. That's the support I can afford and my husband is happy and grateful. Your husband sucks. He is the problem. He's expecting too much. You are your own person with your own life. If he can't enjoy his hobby without your labor, he should quit.
    via u/FairyCompetent
  • RoyallyOakie • 2h ago NTA...You're his wife, not a groupie. His professional life is no more important than yours. He needs to be reminded of the importance of balance.
    via u/RoyallyOakie
  • • knitpurlknitoops · 2h ago So you're paying to get in AND working as an unpaid roadie but somehow this isn't supportive enough? NTA.
    via u/knitpurlknitoops
  • ElleArr26. 2h ago NTA. I can't get past that you have to buy tickets and merch instead of getting them for free. That, paired with "the shows never sell out" makes it pretty clear he knows they kinda suck and one extra body at the show will make a difference. Your husband is ridiculous.
    via u/ElleArr26
  • HowlPen ⚫ 2h ago Edited 3m ago . NTA Reading everything you do (and you do a ton- way more than I would do), it sounds like he is looking for a problem. I don't think this is about you. The only thing you may have been so nice that he takes you for granted.
    via u/HowlPen
  • He's trying to find fault with you, and WHY he wants to do that is the bigger question. Cheating? Unhappy and trying to put the blame on someone else? Selfish and doesn't see that he's an endless pit of need? If he doesn't express gratitude, if his focus is always on the negative, if he's comparing you to others only to find your faults- that's a choice he's making. He's acting entitled to your time, money, and labor. The question is why.
    via u/HowlPen
  • faxmachine13 • 2h ago NTA especially because you still have to buy the tickets!! That can add up! Do you have separate finances??
    via u/faxmachine13
  • espressothenwine • 2h ago NTA. It is not a reasonable expectation for you to be his groupie. You are his wife and you have shown plenty of support. You have a job for goodness sake, your whole life isn't about him despite what he seems to think. Do the other bandmates spouses have jobs
    via u/espressothenwine
  • or do they just follow their people around and that is their whole life? It doesn't really matter in the end because they are not you and you are doing enough as it is, but it might be a good data point...
    via u/espressothenwine
  • Agostointhesun • 2h ago NTA - the shows are his job, not yours. If he expects you there at every single one, he can start treating you as a staff member: he pays you for attending (not the other way round) and provides food transportation, merch...
    via u/Agostointhesun
  • tinyd71.2h ago There are some very high expectations on you! You and your husband work very different hours, and you still manage to attend 90-95% of his shows. Paying for tickets, on your own time after work, and buying merchandise. Someone who doesn't see that as "supportive enough" must be challenging to live with.
    via u/tinyd71
  • Barney_Sparkles •2h ago Does he come and watch you work everyday? NTA. But the fact that you buy tickets and merch makes him one. When I was bar tending/serving and my family came in I specifically told them not to tip me because now we're paying taxes when we don't need too.
    via u/Barney_Sparkles
  • • StrippinChicken ⚫ 1h ago NTA. Ask him in what aspect he supports you anywhere near the way you support his career? Hobby? of music. Ask yourself the same question. Genuinely evaluate if youre happy putting in this much emotional labor (on top of time, energy, money, and actual free labor!) to have it thrown back into your face by someone who evidently does not appreciate it.
    via u/StrippinChicken

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